A Reflection on 2009

Wow. What a year.

On the penultimate day of 2009, I am watching my 10 1/2 month old sit in a laundry basket pounding his chest in a room full of (hopefully) clean clothes and moving boxes. Out the window, downtown Seattle is slowly waking up. I can see the foothills of Mt. Rainier, but the mountain itself is hidden behind a thick gray wall of cloud. I will certainly miss this view.

As I previously wrote, we are in the midst of moving. In two days the movers (yes, the movers, apparently we are fancy...or lazy...or overwhelmed by the prospect of moving five years worth of accumulation down three flights of stairs and up two, with a baby) will be here and they will take all of our stuff to Wallingford. We will start 2010 with a slightly larger apartment. With two whole bathrooms and a deck. We get the keys this evening. Anyway, in the hustle and excitement of trying to pack this all up, it is easy to forget that yet another year is coming to a close. What a year it has been.

This year has been full of personal joy and familial loss. As a society, we have experienced hope in humanity and progress and the tragic and untimely deaths of favorite celebrities and local heroes. We lost our wonderful friend and pet Sparky to a sudden illness. And we barely had time to grieve his loss before our friend Erica passed away at the too young age of 21. I still can't believe she is gone. Erica, we think of you and your family often. We hope that you are happy and safe, where ever you are.

Sometimes it has been hard to find the positive in a year filled with more war in Iraq and Afghanistan, execution style murders of coffee-sipping police officers in Washington, kids setting other kids on fire in Florida, and the unexpected deaths of Michael Jackson and so many others. Attempted terrorists attacks on Christmas day, the economy, and swine flu occupy our thoughts and lead to hand wringing, brow furrowing worry.

But then I look at my son, and I realize just how important it is to remain positive, to believe that humans are good, to raise him to be good. In a society that focuses so much on "me", there needs to be a shift to "we". And life is just too short to surround oneself and one's family with negativity. Reed is a bundle of love, giving kisses, sometimes on command. We only have so much energy to give, and it can't be wasted on energy sucking individuals. I can only give so much, and my roles as a mother and wife and friend are the most important. Any energy I might have left over is dedicated to school and dishes. I just can't expend energy on negativity. I will gladly expend energy on positivity, growth, health, and happiness.

So, in addition to the usual eat better and exercise more, my resolution this year is to focus on the positive, no matter how challenging that may be. I know that it is my tendency to focus on the negative, but I just can't do that anymore. So however difficult or painful it may be to get to the positive, that is where I will aim to be. Please join me.

Helping pack up the homefront.

First things first, all the washclothes on the floor. Check
Mom, you forgot your q-tips.
There is probably room for more in this box.

We're Moving!!

Not to California. Well not yet. We still have our eye on that move in a year or two.

For now, we are just moving to Wallingford. Into another boring apartment, but this one is bigger.

So much packing to do. Packing isn't really fun, but try it with a ten month old. Everything I put into a box, he is on the other side, pulling it out. Super helpful.

I'll post pictures soon.

Our moving day is New Year's Day. Its a good thing I can't stay up till midnight anymore, there is a small chance I might be well rested.

I'll try to write more soon. Maybe I'll even brag about my grades. I haven't gotten them yet, so I remain optimistic. I'm just crossing my fingers that I won't have to retake anything. Baby+Grad School=Really Really Challenging.

Reed's First Halloween

The concept was good. I was supposed to be an apple. Reed was supposed to be a worm.

We looked more like Christmas.

A few more pictures...

Hydrangea are beautiful, but poisonous. Don't put them on your wedding cake.

I'm so smart. I move things and then I stand on them to make myself taller.

Sunset.

Hey Run, I'm ready for my audition.

I'm the antibrarian.

An Experiment in Time Management.

I should be working on a memo right now. The memo should be based on a fairly interesting case study about the LA Philharmonic. I should be...

What am I doing instead? I'm watching the trainwreck that is the eighth inning of the Angels-Yankees game. Two errors? Are you kidding me? According to the Angels' current level of play, I am good enough to be a professional baseball player. Not just a professional, but a professional in the ALCS. Just sayin'.

Anyway, I should be memo-writing, but I'm back to procrastinating. Baseball watching and blog writing, not a bad way to pass a Sunday evening. Luckily the memo is not actually due till Wednesday. I am wiping my hand across my brow in relief, even as I type this.

Here are some pictures.

Are you kidding me with that face?

Are you kidding me with that sunrise?

Seriously, the upside of having an early rising baby is that you never miss an incredible sunrise.

Welcome back Fall. We miss you. Please don't lead us to a freezing cold winter. Please.

Reed gets fresh with Lili.

If...

Reed had a facebook page, I would post on his wall:

Please stop yelling at me and go to sleep.

GalOREgon

* I can't get my pictures to post the way I want. So they're a list of pictures*

Two trips to Oregon in four weeks?!

Visits with new and old friends on the beach and the city and the country!

We have been fortunate enough to go on two separate trips to one of my all-time favorite states in this great country of ours. And no, its not because it is called the Beaver State. Well, not entirely anyway.

Our friends Anna and Jon, along with their new daughter Lillian invited us to share a house in Manzanita with them for a weekend. We jumped at the chance. Rob got a couple days off work and we had our first family road trip. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I imagined a lot of screaming. Primarily from Reed, but also from his parents. Man, was I surprised when he slept for three of the four hours! Rob and I spent those three hours in the front seat and it was almost like it was just the two of us again. Almost. And then Reed screamed. But man, was the drive beautiful.

We enjoyed amazing food, fabulous company, and the incredible Oregon Coast.

And our trip didn't end there. We took Reed to Portland for the first time. Portland is hands down my favorite city and I hope to live there again someday. We met up with several good friends, many from my AFS days. It was so great to see everyone and meet new spouses and children, and visit with old friends, and drink beer in the park. The geese were a bit much to deal with. There were just so many of them.

And then, four weeks later, we traveled to Scappoose, Oregon to celebrate Hill's 28th birthday a week late. Hill moved to the lovely Oregon Countryside maybe four(?) months ago. That is probably wrong. It was a reunion of sorts, with Becca returning from Chile. I think that may become a theme of our lives. Becca will forever be returning from Chile, only to go back once more. Perhaps one of these times, we'll visit her there. I think Reed would really like South America. However, we were one short, with Julia traveling to Denver this exact weekend.

We celebrated Hill with a trip to the Scappoose Sauerkraut festival and Big Pot'o'Meat, which is exactly what it sounds like. My vegetarian husband was appalled. Yum. We followed that up with a delicious, albeit lopsided chocolate cake and valencia orange chocolate sauce. MMMM. It was fantastic to see Hill's parents and meet (again) her new man. She seems happy and relaxed and she can drive heavy machinery like no one's bidness.

Just helping with some chores

First I'll load the dishwasher.

And then I'll put the yogurt away.

And you reward me with this poison?

Grieving the loss of a friend

We lost an amazing friend today. Our wonderful black lab mix Sparky has passed away. Despite his age, his passing was extremely unexpected. He had a strong heart and strong lungs, but has been ailing over the past several months.

Sparky was about 14 years old, 98 in dog years. We don't know much about his puppyhood, but we have loved him since he was four years old. He has provided our family with so many happy times, visiting Danville will just not be the same without him there to greet us with his regal profile and his dopey grin.

Jeremy and I picked Sparky out at the Dublin animal shelter when we were 14 and 18respectively. Our parents sent us to maybe look for a small dog that doesn't shed. Two hours later, we called and said that we met a great dog and that I (using my newly established adult and legal signature) had adopted a dog. Several days later, after the customary shelter procedures, my father and Jeremy went to pick up the giant and hairy black lab that would become the most loved and spoiled member of our family.

Sparky came with the name Sparky and we didn't have the heart to change it on him. However, it took on several forms, including, Sparkplug, Sparticus, and Sparkles, among others. He was particularly close to my mom and would bark loudly whenever anyone attempted to hug her. He was a black lab who hated water and refused to fetch. He avoided the kiddy pool in our backyard, never drank from the toilet, and would stare blankly at you if you were silly enough to throw a ball or a stick. He seemed to be saying "Well if you wanted that stick, why did you throw it across the yard?"

He was a bit skittish and hated hair dryers, vacuums, and strangers, but once you earned his trust, he loved you forever. He loved giving kisses and getting a good long back scratch. He was the sweetest dog you could ever hope to meet.

We will miss you so much Sparky. I feel honored to have known you.

Reed couldn't tell the difference between his Uncle Sparky and his Uncle Jeremy.

Sparky was so gentle with Reed. Patiently watching him till he could sneak in a big kiss.

We love you Sparky. You'll be missed.

Making Friends- A Video Diary

So Hot

It has been warm here in Seattle the past few weeks. Very warm. Like, Danville California in August warm. In fact, it has been hotter here in Seattle than it has been in Danville. We hit a record high. For the first time in recorded history, I think they said the record books go back to the mid 1800's, we hit the 103 mark. It has been nearly intolerable. Danville, where it regularly hits the low 100's, is tolerable due to the miracle that is air conditioning. We don't have air conditioning in Seattle. We have giant south facing windows (see the myriad of blog posts about why I thought I loved this window) that just soak in the heat, and then multiply the power of the sun rays through the glass. We also have three fans that do little more than maybe give the illusion of air movement.

Anyway...there has been a lot of whining about the weather, but I have more important things to talk about. We have a five and half month old who not only crawls with purpose, but who is also PULLING HIMSELF TO A STAND. While some (my husband) are incredibly proud of this feat of strength. It makes me nervous. The advice my parents gave us seems very wise: When they stand up, knock them down. This video is one of his earliest attempts. He is becoming more and more adept at this nonsense.

Reed hasn't worn clothes in about a week, trying to keep cool. We also have him in disposables instead of his regular cloth because they are thinner and we assume cooler. Our days have consisted of sitting in front of fans, taking cool baths, and trying to find a parking spot in the shade so that we can go into some sort of shopping establishment with air conditioning. Oh wait, how did I manage to get back to whining about the weather?

Grounded with Gratitude

How can a person not be grateful for this beautiful face?

We have such a wonderful little boy. I am working on being appreciative and expressing gratitude for the ...what is the right word? If I were a religious person, I would call him a miracle, even a blessing. But I'm not. What would be the atheistic version of that word? Either way, Reed is fantastic.

Some days are so difficult. I get stuck in my own head with my own thoughts. That can be a pretty dangerous place. I get wrapped up in this stay at home mom thing, and I wonder how I am going to finish school. I miss talking to adults. I miss my vices. I miss the relationship I used to have with my husband.

But most days are wonderful. We wake up. We nap. We go to the beach or we walk at Green Lake. Check Reed taking a fantastic nap at Golden Gardens. This was also taken the day that I managed to burn one quarter of my face. It was awesome. I wish I had a picture of that.
The other day we went to a Thursday Mother's Day Movie at the Bellevue movie theatre. It was fancy. We saw Harry Potter. It was good, but I felt it deviated to greatly from the book. That same day we went to the aquarium, where Reed really enjoyed the fish. I think. Then we went to the Spanish Table and got some delicious machego and rice for Paella. Then we had a lovely evening with our Peps group. Days like that are fantastic reminders to stop and remain grateful. Today we had an amazing day at home, filled with naps and domestic chores. And it was an even better reminder to enjoy every day I have with this incredible child.

I am working on appreciating every moment.

Nothing to Procrastinate

The original intention on this blog was to have something to do instead of homework. Its summer break, so I have nothing to put off. I suppose I could blame it on the baby, but he goes to sleep at 7:30 and pretty much stays that way for eleven hours...I hope writing that didn't just jinx us! Anyway, I could easily blog once he goes to bed, but I just haven't.

So much has happened in the past month! Reed went on his first two plane rides. He was a superstar, people around us complimented him on both flights. I was so proud. He met so many new people, including his Great Great Aunt Ruth, and really bumped the numbers up in his fan club. He turned four months old and got his shots. Once again, he was far braver than his mama. The White family came up to visit us from Vegas and Reed has a new girlfriend in Anna.  He also got to meet his Great Aunt Patty and her Seattle native boyfriend Ken

What else, I managed to take and pass once class. That's great, cause my goal was to not fail. I was very happy with my B+. We'll see how it goes in the fall once I start back full time.  We still have to figure out childcare. Although it hasn't been confirmed, it seems that we will not be getting the childcare subsidies. I am pretty concerned about this. Maybe I should have a bake sale or a carwash to raise funds. Or maybe I should look into that email I got from Nigeria...

My triathlon plans have been somewhat derailed. Apparently it has been postponed till next year due to bridge construction or something along those lines.  I can't say I'm not a little tiny bit relieved. Phew. Anyway, I have entered a couple 5K races to keep the dream alive. I'll have to more actively look into finding another tri. I'm currently reading a book called "Slow Fat Triathlete: How to Achieve your Fitness Goals in the Body you Have Now" Very funny. I recommend it.

Our upcoming plans include trips to Los Angeles, Danville, and Portland. We have visitors heading up from those same places. We are looking forward to an exciting summer.

I will post some pictures and videos in my next blog. Hopefully that won't be a month from now!

Likes and Dislikes

Here is a partial list of some of Reed's preferences...

Dislikes

1. Not being fed. RIGHT NOW.

2. Sleeves. Just like Michelle Obama.

3. His swing, much to his mother's chagrin.

4.  Being strapped into anything - car seat, moby, ergobaby, miracle blanket, diapers,

5. Second hand tofu

6. Staying still.

7. Being startled by farm animals.

8. Papyrus, the font.

9. Neglect as a result of Facebook.

Likes

1. Eating, all the time.

2. Standing up.

3. Dancing on Daddy's desk. 

4. Being naked, and then peeing on closest parental unit.

5. Did I mention eating?

6. Long walks

7. His friends, the pillows.

8. Rolling from his tummy to his back.

9. Public Enemy.

Take A Deep Inhale

And exhale.

Three months. Three months. How could it have possibly been three months? I barely recognize the baby in that picture. That baby is so little and fragile. He is hardly the robust little man we spend all our time with these days.

I realized that it was one year ago that I was watching Kirk Cameron talk about his wife's pregnancy test on the View, when I decided that I had nothing better to do, and that I might as well pee on a stick. I thought it might be fun (ask me about the time I peed in a mug just to practice for an upcoming doctors appointment). When that little pink plus sign appeared, I ran out the door to buy more pee sticks, calling Hill for support on the way. When the next THREE tests came out positive, I called a nurse asking if I should take a real medically sanctioned test administered at a doctor's office. She told me that the at-home tests were extremely accurate and that a false positive is extremely rare. So, when I asked if three positive tests probably meant I was pregnant, she laughed in my face...or she would have, had we not been on the phone.

Anyway, here we are, with a giant baby who laughs and smiles and squeaks and cries. He is asleep now, so I am drinking a white Russian (we ran out of wine!) with the homemade Kahlua that Julia and Zach made, while I blog, take quizzes on face book, and thumb through my Real Simple magazine. He is sweet and funny, with really keen comedic timing, particularly for any scatological humor. Few things are rewarded with such a big smile as pooping in a brand new diaper, leading to yet another trip to the changing table.

The balancing act is a challenge, but I am slowly getting the hang of this. I registered for a full schedule in the fall, so I certainly hope we've got an even better handle on it by then.

I will be doing a triathlon in August. If I write about it here, I have to be accountable to everyone who reads it, right? It is a fairly short tri, a half mile swim, twelve mile bike ride, and 2.5 mile run, and my only goal is to complete it. I don't have any fancy notion of doing it to win. While I know I can do all of these things individually, it is the sequential nature of a triathlon that makes me nervous. So I am running (read jogging slowly) every other day, and once I get my bike fixed/exchanged for new bike I will start that. I really need to get some practice with some open water swimming. I won't have any walls to kick off of in Lake Washington. 

So, here is my little man today, on his three month birthday. I am hoping that we are past the age in weeks business, that requires far too much remembering. Am I a bad mom because I let this fall happen? Not just let it happen, but documented it, and then laugh every time I look at it? I hope not. It's not like our couch is made out of razor blades and shards of glass.

Wha' happened?

You Can Call Me Al.

Is there anything better than driving your car with the windows down on a beautiful day listening to a little Paul Simon and singing at the top of your lungs?

No, there's not. The past few days have been beautiful in Seattle. I'm sitting on my couch right now and I have an amazing view of beautiful Mt. Rainier in the distance and an adorable sleeping baby. Not a bad day. Rob is coming home early and I get to go to school.

One class is just the right amount of class. One class is almost a manageable amount of reading and there is only one project to stress about. That will change in the fall when I go back to school full time. I am excited and terrified by that. We have to figure out what to do with the boy. I am hoping to either join a nanny share or find a neighborhood daycare that takes infants. I also hope we qualify for UW's childcare assistance...that will definitely help out the cause.

I am so excited for summer. We are going to get a zoo membership because we are just four blocks from the zoo. I know that Reed is still really little, but I really like the animals. And since its so close, I can make it a part of our daily walks. I can just pop into the zoo for a minute, say hello to our animal friends, and then go take a nap.

I am excited to restart my running program. It is called "Couch to 5k". It's an eight week program designed for running novices. I got to week five before I found out I was pregnant and got too tired to move. But I think it is about time to get back on that. I have goals of 5k and 10k races.

I am excited about the project I am working on for school, increasing the graduation rates for kids in the foster care system. It's really interesting and a little depressing. We are really failing these kids. What can we do to support them? That's what we'll be looking into.

What else...I don't know. I am just feeling really good about a lot of stuff right now. I'm looking forward to visitors and to bringing Reed to California next month. 

So I have plenty of adventures in store, school, running, zoo trips, more writing, figuring out daycare, not to mention, cleaning, cooking, and finding time to go grocery shopping. Logistics become a bit more challenging when you add in a third person. Even a tiny one.

Two Months is a milestone, right? or Therapize this!

Wow. Two months. It really seems like every day is a victory. A victory over what? That I don't really know. But every day we manage to keep a baby alive or not fight with one another or actually fold that pile of laundry feels like a day of accomplishment.  Never mind that the sink is overflowing with dirty dishes, we'll get to that later.

Reed is starting to tease us with long stretches of sleep. Twice in the past week, he has slept from about 7:45 pm to 5 the next morning. If only we could get ourselves to bed before the sun sets we would be in a good place. Speaking of a good place, I have had just a bit of an issue with that dreaded pregnancy problem of the post-partum depression. There were definitely some signs that I was heading towards a bad place mentally, so we took some preemptive action before I could spiral too far into this place. I have started seeing a counselor and that along with a small dose of medication seems to really be helping. Who knows what causes ppd? Or why it strikes some people and not others. I think in my case it had a lot to do with the less than perfect labor coupled with some outside stresses that just happened to coincide with some crazy ass hormone fluctuations. Whatever the cause, the other day when Reed peed in my mouth, spit up in my hair, and then pooped on my hand, all I could think was "Thank goodness for the Zoloft."

"I'll pee in your mouth if you're not careful!"

The turtles are back out at Green Lake.

And since it has been awhile...here is a picture of downtown on a lovely spring day.

We're growing up so fast around here.

First, a little bragging.

Reed is six weeks old today. Over the course of the past week, Reed has learned to flip himself over from his tummy to his back. According to babycenter.com's development chart, this is something that is generally mastered around the three month mark. Clearly, Reed is very advanced. He can also hold his head at a 45 degree angle. Apparently that is also a developmental milestone. Who knew we would get so excited over seemingly simple things. 

Second, Reed has finally kind of started to like sitting in his swing for small amounts of time. I really hoped that Reed would take to his swing and we could go about our business. That has not been the case. Up till about two days ago, the swing only encouraged very loud screaming. Very loud. But, the other day he stayed in it long enough for me to make, and get this, EAT my spinach salad. It was indeed a luxury.

Third, we went to a PEPS meeting. It stands for Parenting something something Support, or something like that. It wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Only three of six couples brought their babies. At six weeks, Reed was the oldest baby there. And with the other two little girls each weighing in at under seven pounds, he looked like a behemoth! According to my super accurate Wii Fit scale, he weighs about 11 pounds. He was 8.12 when he was born, so he is really packing it on.

And finally, School starts again next Tuesday. Eeek. There is something I am unprepared for. I already have homework for the class I am taking. Also, I learned that one class is actually twice as expensive as I thought. Apparently, I was looking at the undergrad tuition scale in preparation for the class. Maybe if one can't read a chart accurately that person is not really ready for graduate school. Ooops.  

So, I should probably stop writing this, turn off Days of our Lives, and maybe stop messing around on the internet long enough to read the assigned articles. Oh the non-stop excitement of a stay-at-home graduate student/mom.

Wait for it...wait for it...

There it is!

In Search of the Holy Grail

I'm finding it hard to find time to blog. Also, I'm worried that I have little to talk about, aside from diapers and poop.  And just so you know, we are using thirsties all in one diapers, bummis diaper covers with prefolds, and seventh generations and naturebaby disposables. Very exciting stuff, isn't it? We'll be expanding our cloth diaper collection as he grows.

What can I say about this first month of Reed. A lot of adjustments, but its as if he has always been here. I can't remember life before he was here. No, not true, I still vaguely remember being pregnant. Enough to know that I am not ready to do that again. Anyway, we have an ox of a child, appropriate because he was born in the Year of the Ox. He is so strong. He holds up his head and looks around. He presses his feet against any surface they touch so that he is standing up, or while in the bathtub, till his head smashes into the side of the kitchen sink.  Knock on wood, he is a fantastic sleeper. We have had several nights of 4-6 hours of sleep at night and we love and appreciate him for allowing us that luxury. He is a mini-Rob. With his blue eyes and red hair(!) and his adorable little chin, he is Rob's tiny little doppleganger. 

In the past week or so, Reed has been giving us glimpses of a smile. They started with little night smiles, and have gradually progressed to his waking hours. Some books say they are an indication of inner contentment, others say it a reaction to passed gas (I think we all have those smiles, don't we), and still others say that due to his late arrival, they could be the beginnings of the long awaited social smiles. Whatever the cause, they are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life.  They are just pure joy...or relief.

We haven't managed to catch the smiles on camera, but the two following shots are an attempt to catch them. 

Alright...enough blogging, I need to get back to Facebook!

There are legal names...and then there are the names we call him...

Sometimes I am asleep and content.

Other times, I am just so upset.

And then there are the times when I am concentrating so hard...or pooping.

His birth certificate says Reed Elliot Chambliss.

We call him...

Puppy Rabbit

Shark Baby

Little Critter

Stink Bomb

Squeak Toy

Snorty Pig

Minotaur

and of course,

Futureman

He'll never learn his real name at this rate.

So Tired

Parenting is hard. 

Recovering from surgery and dealing with raging hormones and feeding a demanding baby who refuses to use his words is hard.

But he is just so beautiful, and I am told it will get easier. Although I was told a lot of things that ended up not being true...i.e. sex induces labor (ha), among others. However, I am clinging to the belief that this will get easier.

I am dreading Monday, when Rob has to go back to work, although luckily my wonderful mother is coming back to Seattle to help. I can't even begin to express how wonderful it was having her here the first week at home with Reed. And I am looking forward to my dad coming back in two weeks, although he had better be over his cough...

And Rob, wow. What an incredible father. He has such a calming effect on this child, and to an extent on me as well. Although I am already worried that Reed is more rational than I am.

Anyway...Parenting is hard. I am sure most of you already know that from experience. I knew it in theory two weeks ago, but wow, it is more true than anything else.

I can't even imagine doing this with eight infants. That Nadya is cuh-razy.

Reed is Six Days Old

Alright. Back in the blogging saddle...

It was just last week that I wrote, but life has changed.

That may be a bit of an understatement.

I hope this isn't overly personal. I am trying to share some of the details of Reed's birth without oversharing. Just be forewarned, this may be graphic, but I am trying to keep it pretty clean. 

Reed Elliot Chambliss arrived on Friday the 13th at 1:25 via an unexpected c-section.  It was a bit intense and I am still processing everything that happened over the course of my 12 hour labor and the six days that have since transpired. I am still a bit shell shocked from just all of it. But, in the end we have a wonderful little man.

We didn't really have a definite birth plan. The plan was to go natural and see how it worked out, but we didn't rule out drugs completely. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love drugs. Love them. Anyway, labor started quickly, none of that slow build-up promised in our birth class and all those books we read. I expected hours of mildly intense pain while I re-watched Arrested Development. That isn't really how it worked. I woke up at 11:30 with contractions that I thought were too painful and too close together. So blah blah blah, we went to the hospital, expecting to be told to go home, but we were admitted. 

Seven hours later, I was practically begging for the epidural. And, I've got to say, I wish I was always on an epidural. Just for day to day operations. They are fantastic. In those seven hours I made NO progress, despite the intensity and frequency of the contractions. The goal of the epidural was to get some sleep while my body continued to work. Well, I fell asleep and my body continued to work, but when I woke up from my much needed nap, I had still made no progress. It was at this point my midwife Cathleen, said the baby wasn't responding to the contractions and we might need to start thinking about a c-section. At that point, we figured it was still just an option, and that my body would start reacting the way it needed to. Even my doula thought at this point we still had time, and that this would be a good opportunity to go grab some food. Not 20 minutes had passed when Cathleen came back in and calmly but urgently said we needed to go to the operating room now. So....long story slightly shorter, they prepped for surgery, wheeled me down, and Reed was here at 1:25 pm.

I am still processing this whole story. I am trying not to dwell on the negative, but it gets hard. This is a more difficult recovery than I was expecting, and I can't stop thinking that my body failed me and failed Reed. Cathleen is definitely the crunchiest hippiest midwife at the practice, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that if she was so insistent on an immediate c-section, than something really must have been wrong. But I need to stop thinking this way.

I need to focus on my beautiful baby, who despite my concerns from earlier in my pregnancy, isn't three years early at all. He is wonderful and right on time. I already can't imagine my life without him. How cliche. But so true. I just can't stop staring at him. He is just perfect.