And all of a sudden, two years had passed

In 2008, I started this blog. The title was a bit tongue in cheek, because, if anything, I was always too prepared. I planned for everything. I did everything I was supposed to, in the order I was supposed to do it. I had just been accepted to grad school, the obvious next step academically and career wise, when I found out I was pregnant. What? Pregnant? That was at least five years away in the plan. So, finding myself completely unprepared for parenthood, I started this blog. Since then, I finished graduate school and raised that baby into a thriving toddler. Not bad for being unprepared for both.

So, finish graduate school...next logical step, get a job. That was delayed a bit. My mother in law passed away the day after I turned in my thesis. We spent several months cleaning out her condo and dealing with probate. Not a fun couple months. Oh yeah, and i set the goal of losing 30 pounds by my 30th birtday and did it. Anyway, I finished graduate school, and eight months later, I got a job, in California, at an international non-profit. It's kind of my dream job.

So, grad school- check, probate nonsense- check, lose 30 pounds- check, offered dream job- check. What's next? Well...of course, find out I'm pregnant. Awesome. Perfect timing. New job, finally kind of skinny. Just great. Oh what else? It's twins. What? Twins. Let me tell you, no one is expecting twins. No one. Especially if you have none of the risk factors for twins.

So, here we are. In California, with an almost four year old and six week old twins. We're living with my parents because we have too many children and we need all the help we can get.

I'm planning on using this blog to keep myself accountable on my new weight loss goals. I have my six week appointment tomorrow and I'm looking forward to exercising again. Now we have to see if I can find half an hour a day to actually get it done. Between three kids, a husband and eventually returning to work, I hope I don't flake out!!

Who was I?

Holy crap. Babies can really suck the individuality out of a person. It seems to me that there is nothing more draining on a person than the demands of a new born child. The diapers and the nursing and the diapers and the nursing and the diapers and the nursing. There certainly isn't a ton of time for other pursuits.

Add that to the demands of grad school professors, who want all kinds of papers on all kinds of things a person may or may not actually care about. And the reading that isn't for pleasure but is required and tediously avoided at all costs.

Well...I want to know who I am again. I want to read literature and take pictures (of a subject other than my child...although I am still going to take a shitload of those, cause he is hella cute afterall). What else do I want to do? Who do I want to be. I feel like I am at a place in my life right now, where I might be able to develop other interests. I don't mean to say that my energy will still not be directed toward Reed. He is a toddler after all, and very demanding. But I want more. I want to be a mom with other interests. A mom with a life. I certainly hope that is possible.

I just started a garden...thanks Julia. And although I think the cold snap killed my cucumbers, the rest of my plants are growing. My broccoli looks amazing! My basil is already delicious, and as luck would have it, my poisonous strawberry plant is thriving!

I also started and internship at the Vera Project. I am super excited about this. It is very similar to the organization I was part of in high school, Involving Youth, but it is much bigger. Music and art for all ages. I just started the other day. I hope it goes well.

And school is over for the quarter in three weeks. I think I'll start reading again then.

The internship is only three days a week, which means I will have lots of time for Reed and lots of time for work, and maybe even some time for myself. Excellent.

Newfound Independence

I am in a state of mourning right now. I have been for the past week or so. I never thought that giving this up would take me on this journey. I thought I was going to be ecstatic to give this up. But I was wrong. I find myself jealous of new parents, thinking that they are so lucky to just be starting.

Reed has stopped nursing. It was his choice, not mine. I am a fan of child-led weaning...that means, letting the child decide when he is done nursing. I knew I wanted to make it to one year and I knew that two years seemed like too long for me, even though that is what the World Health Organization recommends. But now, at fifteen months, I feel like I want to keep nursing. Reed however had other plans. For the past few weeks, at naptime and bedtime, Reed has nursed, but it really felt as if he was doing this for me. He would look up at me, bored, not really eating, just kind of hanging out.

Around the same time, I found out I would be doing an internship that would take me away from home two days a week at bedtime. So, his boredom and my imminent responsibilities led us to this conclusion.

The first two nights that Reed went to sleep without nursing were easy for him, and agony for me. I was torn up with emotions that I was not expecting at all. How could this be so easy for him? He doesn't even need me anymore! I might as well just send him to college, cause I have done everything I can for him. I was an absolute emotional wreck. I was moody. I couldn't stop crying. It was ridiculously hard and I had no idea that I was so unprepared for this. The third night, it seemed to hit him that he didn't get to nurse anymore cause there was a lot of screaming. The past couple of nights have been easier for both of us. He babbles in his crib till he falls asleep and I only cry a little bit and only make outrageous statements about sending him to Kindergarten.

I have noticed a seemingly major change in my sweet boy. While he is still happy and smiley, he just isn't very affectionate anymore. Last week he gave hugs freely and kisses on command. Now he is much more cautious with his affection. It is as if I already embarrass him when I ask for kisses for mommy. Ugh. I might as well just drop him off at high school if I can't kiss him in public anymore!

The Best Thing in the World...

is when Reed brings a book over, climbs into your lap, and demands that you read it.

It is the sweetest thing ever.

However, I am this close to throwing "Jamberry" right off the balcony.

Playing Catch Up

Wow. It is already mid February. I haven't blogged since last year. A lot has changed in the past month and a half. We moved. I started an incredibly difficult quarter at school. I have a one year old child. I have a one year old child. How is that possible? It seems like we just brought this tiny little creature home from the hospital and now he is a roaming climbing little person. Insanity.

Since it's been so long since I blogged, let's fill in a couple things.

The move:

Moving is a total pain in the ass. We made the wise relationship-saving decision to hire movers. Yes, it was very bourgeoisie, but we had about two days between our move in date and the first day of the quarter, and there was a total of five flights of stairs between the new place and the old place, there was a rambunctious near toddler to contend with, and it just made the most sense for us at the time. I love SuperFriends movers. They are amazing.

The new place. It is definitely bigger, which is great. Our view isn't quite as amazing as the last place, but as you'll see, it's nothing to turn your nose up at either. We have a brand new oven, which we got cause the last one belched acrid smoke into the kitchen the first night we tried to cook. We're getting a new washer/dryer in the next week as the current one is old old old. We might as well have a washboard or a rock. The walls are definitely thinner, which is not so great. We hear the neighbors and the neighbors hear us. I think we are the winners in this situation. I would much rather hear someone else's sex than someone else's screaming baby. Especially at three in the morning. So it goes...

The school:

Remember last February, when I had a baby. Yeah, I had to take a quarter of school off. That means I missed out on some of the core classes with my cohort, which means I have to take two core classes with the next cohort. Super Lame. They're nice enough, but core classes present the challenge of being so so boring and full of group work. Quantitative Reasoning makes me want to die. It will all be over in three weeks. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I pass these boring core classes.

The Boy:

Reed Elliot Chambliss turned One a couple days ago. Wow. We all made it this far. Incredible. Balloons, sugar free cake, a vibrating Elmo doll, and lots of grandparents made for a fantastic day.

Boring Boring Catch Up.

I need to blog more. If only to write about somethings that aren't policy related. And to chronicle Reed's life. These days go by too quickly. We must remember to fill our lives with love, happiness, and positivity.

Early Morning Out on the Balcony

Early Morning Downtown

A Year in the Life

February 13 2010

February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009

October 2009

September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 13 2009
February 11 2009

A Reflection on 2009

Wow. What a year.

On the penultimate day of 2009, I am watching my 10 1/2 month old sit in a laundry basket pounding his chest in a room full of (hopefully) clean clothes and moving boxes. Out the window, downtown Seattle is slowly waking up. I can see the foothills of Mt. Rainier, but the mountain itself is hidden behind a thick gray wall of cloud. I will certainly miss this view.

As I previously wrote, we are in the midst of moving. In two days the movers (yes, the movers, apparently we are fancy...or lazy...or overwhelmed by the prospect of moving five years worth of accumulation down three flights of stairs and up two, with a baby) will be here and they will take all of our stuff to Wallingford. We will start 2010 with a slightly larger apartment. With two whole bathrooms and a deck. We get the keys this evening. Anyway, in the hustle and excitement of trying to pack this all up, it is easy to forget that yet another year is coming to a close. What a year it has been.

This year has been full of personal joy and familial loss. As a society, we have experienced hope in humanity and progress and the tragic and untimely deaths of favorite celebrities and local heroes. We lost our wonderful friend and pet Sparky to a sudden illness. And we barely had time to grieve his loss before our friend Erica passed away at the too young age of 21. I still can't believe she is gone. Erica, we think of you and your family often. We hope that you are happy and safe, where ever you are.

Sometimes it has been hard to find the positive in a year filled with more war in Iraq and Afghanistan, execution style murders of coffee-sipping police officers in Washington, kids setting other kids on fire in Florida, and the unexpected deaths of Michael Jackson and so many others. Attempted terrorists attacks on Christmas day, the economy, and swine flu occupy our thoughts and lead to hand wringing, brow furrowing worry.

But then I look at my son, and I realize just how important it is to remain positive, to believe that humans are good, to raise him to be good. In a society that focuses so much on "me", there needs to be a shift to "we". And life is just too short to surround oneself and one's family with negativity. Reed is a bundle of love, giving kisses, sometimes on command. We only have so much energy to give, and it can't be wasted on energy sucking individuals. I can only give so much, and my roles as a mother and wife and friend are the most important. Any energy I might have left over is dedicated to school and dishes. I just can't expend energy on negativity. I will gladly expend energy on positivity, growth, health, and happiness.

So, in addition to the usual eat better and exercise more, my resolution this year is to focus on the positive, no matter how challenging that may be. I know that it is my tendency to focus on the negative, but I just can't do that anymore. So however difficult or painful it may be to get to the positive, that is where I will aim to be. Please join me.