13.1 miles or 13.1 pounds of baby

Today was the Seattle marathon. In January, I set the goal of running the half, or 13.1 miles. Instead, I found out about the pregnancy. And 9ish months later I gave birth to 13.1 pounds of baby. Samesies, right?

I just had twins...

Get off my back!

That's the sign I want to wear when I'm running. I'm so self conscious when I'm running. I can feel everything shifting and swaying and just generally being flabby and unfit. And I live in an area where many of the mothers are tight and toned. Some naturally, some got some medical assistance. Anyway, I have to just get over myself if I want to make any progress. I did just have twins and it matters more that I'm doing it, not how I look while doing it.
So, I'm using two apps to track and guide my progress. I'm jogging with active.com's couch to 5k program. And another app called body weight workouts, which, if you can't guess is all workouts using only one's own weight. I just finished the first week of both programs. I feel good. Now, if only I could stop eating pie...

I need to dig out our scale, it's still in boxes post move. Last year, when I lost a bunch of weight, I tracked it weekly. Seeing a visual really helped me stay on track and motivated me to keep moving. I'm definitely not one to stop eating, especially now because I'm breastfeeding. I am hungry all the time! I just have to start making better choices. I have used the Loseit app in the past, but it was so annoying to track everything...it did keep me honest though, so maybe I should just suck it up and do it.

Now, do I take a weekly picture? Am I brave enough to do that?

Doctor's ok

So, I've been walking for a couple weeks now. Good news is that doctor ok'd me to start exercising. Bad news is that I weigh 193 pounds. Holy shit that's a lot. And that's after the two babies came out!! I'm writing this here for honesty and accountability. My goal is to lose 40-50 pounds. I'd like it to come off quickly, but I'm going to lose it slowly and sustainably. Here we go...

And all of a sudden, two years had passed

In 2008, I started this blog. The title was a bit tongue in cheek, because, if anything, I was always too prepared. I planned for everything. I did everything I was supposed to, in the order I was supposed to do it. I had just been accepted to grad school, the obvious next step academically and career wise, when I found out I was pregnant. What? Pregnant? That was at least five years away in the plan. So, finding myself completely unprepared for parenthood, I started this blog. Since then, I finished graduate school and raised that baby into a thriving toddler. Not bad for being unprepared for both.

So, finish graduate school...next logical step, get a job. That was delayed a bit. My mother in law passed away the day after I turned in my thesis. We spent several months cleaning out her condo and dealing with probate. Not a fun couple months. Oh yeah, and i set the goal of losing 30 pounds by my 30th birtday and did it. Anyway, I finished graduate school, and eight months later, I got a job, in California, at an international non-profit. It's kind of my dream job.

So, grad school- check, probate nonsense- check, lose 30 pounds- check, offered dream job- check. What's next? Well...of course, find out I'm pregnant. Awesome. Perfect timing. New job, finally kind of skinny. Just great. Oh what else? It's twins. What? Twins. Let me tell you, no one is expecting twins. No one. Especially if you have none of the risk factors for twins.

So, here we are. In California, with an almost four year old and six week old twins. We're living with my parents because we have too many children and we need all the help we can get.

I'm planning on using this blog to keep myself accountable on my new weight loss goals. I have my six week appointment tomorrow and I'm looking forward to exercising again. Now we have to see if I can find half an hour a day to actually get it done. Between three kids, a husband and eventually returning to work, I hope I don't flake out!!

Who was I?

Holy crap. Babies can really suck the individuality out of a person. It seems to me that there is nothing more draining on a person than the demands of a new born child. The diapers and the nursing and the diapers and the nursing and the diapers and the nursing. There certainly isn't a ton of time for other pursuits.

Add that to the demands of grad school professors, who want all kinds of papers on all kinds of things a person may or may not actually care about. And the reading that isn't for pleasure but is required and tediously avoided at all costs.

Well...I want to know who I am again. I want to read literature and take pictures (of a subject other than my child...although I am still going to take a shitload of those, cause he is hella cute afterall). What else do I want to do? Who do I want to be. I feel like I am at a place in my life right now, where I might be able to develop other interests. I don't mean to say that my energy will still not be directed toward Reed. He is a toddler after all, and very demanding. But I want more. I want to be a mom with other interests. A mom with a life. I certainly hope that is possible.

I just started a garden...thanks Julia. And although I think the cold snap killed my cucumbers, the rest of my plants are growing. My broccoli looks amazing! My basil is already delicious, and as luck would have it, my poisonous strawberry plant is thriving!

I also started and internship at the Vera Project. I am super excited about this. It is very similar to the organization I was part of in high school, Involving Youth, but it is much bigger. Music and art for all ages. I just started the other day. I hope it goes well.

And school is over for the quarter in three weeks. I think I'll start reading again then.

The internship is only three days a week, which means I will have lots of time for Reed and lots of time for work, and maybe even some time for myself. Excellent.

Newfound Independence

I am in a state of mourning right now. I have been for the past week or so. I never thought that giving this up would take me on this journey. I thought I was going to be ecstatic to give this up. But I was wrong. I find myself jealous of new parents, thinking that they are so lucky to just be starting.

Reed has stopped nursing. It was his choice, not mine. I am a fan of child-led weaning...that means, letting the child decide when he is done nursing. I knew I wanted to make it to one year and I knew that two years seemed like too long for me, even though that is what the World Health Organization recommends. But now, at fifteen months, I feel like I want to keep nursing. Reed however had other plans. For the past few weeks, at naptime and bedtime, Reed has nursed, but it really felt as if he was doing this for me. He would look up at me, bored, not really eating, just kind of hanging out.

Around the same time, I found out I would be doing an internship that would take me away from home two days a week at bedtime. So, his boredom and my imminent responsibilities led us to this conclusion.

The first two nights that Reed went to sleep without nursing were easy for him, and agony for me. I was torn up with emotions that I was not expecting at all. How could this be so easy for him? He doesn't even need me anymore! I might as well just send him to college, cause I have done everything I can for him. I was an absolute emotional wreck. I was moody. I couldn't stop crying. It was ridiculously hard and I had no idea that I was so unprepared for this. The third night, it seemed to hit him that he didn't get to nurse anymore cause there was a lot of screaming. The past couple of nights have been easier for both of us. He babbles in his crib till he falls asleep and I only cry a little bit and only make outrageous statements about sending him to Kindergarten.

I have noticed a seemingly major change in my sweet boy. While he is still happy and smiley, he just isn't very affectionate anymore. Last week he gave hugs freely and kisses on command. Now he is much more cautious with his affection. It is as if I already embarrass him when I ask for kisses for mommy. Ugh. I might as well just drop him off at high school if I can't kiss him in public anymore!

The Best Thing in the World...

is when Reed brings a book over, climbs into your lap, and demands that you read it.

It is the sweetest thing ever.

However, I am this close to throwing "Jamberry" right off the balcony.

Playing Catch Up

Wow. It is already mid February. I haven't blogged since last year. A lot has changed in the past month and a half. We moved. I started an incredibly difficult quarter at school. I have a one year old child. I have a one year old child. How is that possible? It seems like we just brought this tiny little creature home from the hospital and now he is a roaming climbing little person. Insanity.

Since it's been so long since I blogged, let's fill in a couple things.

The move:

Moving is a total pain in the ass. We made the wise relationship-saving decision to hire movers. Yes, it was very bourgeoisie, but we had about two days between our move in date and the first day of the quarter, and there was a total of five flights of stairs between the new place and the old place, there was a rambunctious near toddler to contend with, and it just made the most sense for us at the time. I love SuperFriends movers. They are amazing.

The new place. It is definitely bigger, which is great. Our view isn't quite as amazing as the last place, but as you'll see, it's nothing to turn your nose up at either. We have a brand new oven, which we got cause the last one belched acrid smoke into the kitchen the first night we tried to cook. We're getting a new washer/dryer in the next week as the current one is old old old. We might as well have a washboard or a rock. The walls are definitely thinner, which is not so great. We hear the neighbors and the neighbors hear us. I think we are the winners in this situation. I would much rather hear someone else's sex than someone else's screaming baby. Especially at three in the morning. So it goes...

The school:

Remember last February, when I had a baby. Yeah, I had to take a quarter of school off. That means I missed out on some of the core classes with my cohort, which means I have to take two core classes with the next cohort. Super Lame. They're nice enough, but core classes present the challenge of being so so boring and full of group work. Quantitative Reasoning makes me want to die. It will all be over in three weeks. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I pass these boring core classes.

The Boy:

Reed Elliot Chambliss turned One a couple days ago. Wow. We all made it this far. Incredible. Balloons, sugar free cake, a vibrating Elmo doll, and lots of grandparents made for a fantastic day.

Boring Boring Catch Up.

I need to blog more. If only to write about somethings that aren't policy related. And to chronicle Reed's life. These days go by too quickly. We must remember to fill our lives with love, happiness, and positivity.

Early Morning Out on the Balcony

Early Morning Downtown

A Year in the Life

February 13 2010

February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009

October 2009

September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 13 2009
February 11 2009

A Reflection on 2009

Wow. What a year.

On the penultimate day of 2009, I am watching my 10 1/2 month old sit in a laundry basket pounding his chest in a room full of (hopefully) clean clothes and moving boxes. Out the window, downtown Seattle is slowly waking up. I can see the foothills of Mt. Rainier, but the mountain itself is hidden behind a thick gray wall of cloud. I will certainly miss this view.

As I previously wrote, we are in the midst of moving. In two days the movers (yes, the movers, apparently we are fancy...or lazy...or overwhelmed by the prospect of moving five years worth of accumulation down three flights of stairs and up two, with a baby) will be here and they will take all of our stuff to Wallingford. We will start 2010 with a slightly larger apartment. With two whole bathrooms and a deck. We get the keys this evening. Anyway, in the hustle and excitement of trying to pack this all up, it is easy to forget that yet another year is coming to a close. What a year it has been.

This year has been full of personal joy and familial loss. As a society, we have experienced hope in humanity and progress and the tragic and untimely deaths of favorite celebrities and local heroes. We lost our wonderful friend and pet Sparky to a sudden illness. And we barely had time to grieve his loss before our friend Erica passed away at the too young age of 21. I still can't believe she is gone. Erica, we think of you and your family often. We hope that you are happy and safe, where ever you are.

Sometimes it has been hard to find the positive in a year filled with more war in Iraq and Afghanistan, execution style murders of coffee-sipping police officers in Washington, kids setting other kids on fire in Florida, and the unexpected deaths of Michael Jackson and so many others. Attempted terrorists attacks on Christmas day, the economy, and swine flu occupy our thoughts and lead to hand wringing, brow furrowing worry.

But then I look at my son, and I realize just how important it is to remain positive, to believe that humans are good, to raise him to be good. In a society that focuses so much on "me", there needs to be a shift to "we". And life is just too short to surround oneself and one's family with negativity. Reed is a bundle of love, giving kisses, sometimes on command. We only have so much energy to give, and it can't be wasted on energy sucking individuals. I can only give so much, and my roles as a mother and wife and friend are the most important. Any energy I might have left over is dedicated to school and dishes. I just can't expend energy on negativity. I will gladly expend energy on positivity, growth, health, and happiness.

So, in addition to the usual eat better and exercise more, my resolution this year is to focus on the positive, no matter how challenging that may be. I know that it is my tendency to focus on the negative, but I just can't do that anymore. So however difficult or painful it may be to get to the positive, that is where I will aim to be. Please join me.

Helping pack up the homefront.

First things first, all the washclothes on the floor. Check
Mom, you forgot your q-tips.
There is probably room for more in this box.

We're Moving!!

Not to California. Well not yet. We still have our eye on that move in a year or two.

For now, we are just moving to Wallingford. Into another boring apartment, but this one is bigger.

So much packing to do. Packing isn't really fun, but try it with a ten month old. Everything I put into a box, he is on the other side, pulling it out. Super helpful.

I'll post pictures soon.

Our moving day is New Year's Day. Its a good thing I can't stay up till midnight anymore, there is a small chance I might be well rested.

I'll try to write more soon. Maybe I'll even brag about my grades. I haven't gotten them yet, so I remain optimistic. I'm just crossing my fingers that I won't have to retake anything. Baby+Grad School=Really Really Challenging.

Reed's First Halloween

The concept was good. I was supposed to be an apple. Reed was supposed to be a worm.

We looked more like Christmas.

A few more pictures...

Hydrangea are beautiful, but poisonous. Don't put them on your wedding cake.

I'm so smart. I move things and then I stand on them to make myself taller.

Sunset.

Hey Run, I'm ready for my audition.

I'm the antibrarian.

An Experiment in Time Management.

I should be working on a memo right now. The memo should be based on a fairly interesting case study about the LA Philharmonic. I should be...

What am I doing instead? I'm watching the trainwreck that is the eighth inning of the Angels-Yankees game. Two errors? Are you kidding me? According to the Angels' current level of play, I am good enough to be a professional baseball player. Not just a professional, but a professional in the ALCS. Just sayin'.

Anyway, I should be memo-writing, but I'm back to procrastinating. Baseball watching and blog writing, not a bad way to pass a Sunday evening. Luckily the memo is not actually due till Wednesday. I am wiping my hand across my brow in relief, even as I type this.

Here are some pictures.

Are you kidding me with that face?

Are you kidding me with that sunrise?

Seriously, the upside of having an early rising baby is that you never miss an incredible sunrise.

Welcome back Fall. We miss you. Please don't lead us to a freezing cold winter. Please.

Reed gets fresh with Lili.

If...

Reed had a facebook page, I would post on his wall:

Please stop yelling at me and go to sleep.

GalOREgon

* I can't get my pictures to post the way I want. So they're a list of pictures*

Two trips to Oregon in four weeks?!

Visits with new and old friends on the beach and the city and the country!

We have been fortunate enough to go on two separate trips to one of my all-time favorite states in this great country of ours. And no, its not because it is called the Beaver State. Well, not entirely anyway.

Our friends Anna and Jon, along with their new daughter Lillian invited us to share a house in Manzanita with them for a weekend. We jumped at the chance. Rob got a couple days off work and we had our first family road trip. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I imagined a lot of screaming. Primarily from Reed, but also from his parents. Man, was I surprised when he slept for three of the four hours! Rob and I spent those three hours in the front seat and it was almost like it was just the two of us again. Almost. And then Reed screamed. But man, was the drive beautiful.

We enjoyed amazing food, fabulous company, and the incredible Oregon Coast.

And our trip didn't end there. We took Reed to Portland for the first time. Portland is hands down my favorite city and I hope to live there again someday. We met up with several good friends, many from my AFS days. It was so great to see everyone and meet new spouses and children, and visit with old friends, and drink beer in the park. The geese were a bit much to deal with. There were just so many of them.

And then, four weeks later, we traveled to Scappoose, Oregon to celebrate Hill's 28th birthday a week late. Hill moved to the lovely Oregon Countryside maybe four(?) months ago. That is probably wrong. It was a reunion of sorts, with Becca returning from Chile. I think that may become a theme of our lives. Becca will forever be returning from Chile, only to go back once more. Perhaps one of these times, we'll visit her there. I think Reed would really like South America. However, we were one short, with Julia traveling to Denver this exact weekend.

We celebrated Hill with a trip to the Scappoose Sauerkraut festival and Big Pot'o'Meat, which is exactly what it sounds like. My vegetarian husband was appalled. Yum. We followed that up with a delicious, albeit lopsided chocolate cake and valencia orange chocolate sauce. MMMM. It was fantastic to see Hill's parents and meet (again) her new man. She seems happy and relaxed and she can drive heavy machinery like no one's bidness.

Just helping with some chores

First I'll load the dishwasher.

And then I'll put the yogurt away.

And you reward me with this poison?

Grieving the loss of a friend

We lost an amazing friend today. Our wonderful black lab mix Sparky has passed away. Despite his age, his passing was extremely unexpected. He had a strong heart and strong lungs, but has been ailing over the past several months.

Sparky was about 14 years old, 98 in dog years. We don't know much about his puppyhood, but we have loved him since he was four years old. He has provided our family with so many happy times, visiting Danville will just not be the same without him there to greet us with his regal profile and his dopey grin.

Jeremy and I picked Sparky out at the Dublin animal shelter when we were 14 and 18respectively. Our parents sent us to maybe look for a small dog that doesn't shed. Two hours later, we called and said that we met a great dog and that I (using my newly established adult and legal signature) had adopted a dog. Several days later, after the customary shelter procedures, my father and Jeremy went to pick up the giant and hairy black lab that would become the most loved and spoiled member of our family.

Sparky came with the name Sparky and we didn't have the heart to change it on him. However, it took on several forms, including, Sparkplug, Sparticus, and Sparkles, among others. He was particularly close to my mom and would bark loudly whenever anyone attempted to hug her. He was a black lab who hated water and refused to fetch. He avoided the kiddy pool in our backyard, never drank from the toilet, and would stare blankly at you if you were silly enough to throw a ball or a stick. He seemed to be saying "Well if you wanted that stick, why did you throw it across the yard?"

He was a bit skittish and hated hair dryers, vacuums, and strangers, but once you earned his trust, he loved you forever. He loved giving kisses and getting a good long back scratch. He was the sweetest dog you could ever hope to meet.

We will miss you so much Sparky. I feel honored to have known you.

Reed couldn't tell the difference between his Uncle Sparky and his Uncle Jeremy.

Sparky was so gentle with Reed. Patiently watching him till he could sneak in a big kiss.

We love you Sparky. You'll be missed.

Making Friends- A Video Diary