We are 27 weeks pregnant and I just don't want to do anything. Halloween was on Friday and I just couldn't be bothered. I am too tired or too disinterested.
I don't want to do homework. I don't want to get ready for the baby. We have nothing for the baby. Well we actually have ton of baby clothes, but I certainly haven't had anything to do with that. We just have some wonderful friends, whom I am incredibly grateful for. But the baby doesn't have anywhere to sleep, or anything to be changed on or anything. I am not even really freaking out about it. And freaking out about things is what I do best!
I don't want to cook. I keep forgetting to bring my camera with me. I don't want to read for pleasure. I don't really want to read baby books, but I'm trying to at least do baby class homework. I just don't want to do anything. I am just in a state of waiting.
That isn't entirely true. I went to yoga on Saturday and it was incredible. A place called Yoga Mama. It is a beautiful old school house about a mile away from our apartment, a little past the zoo. I walked there and it was just such an incredible fall day. Then there was an hour and a half of challenging yet gentle prenatal yoga with other moms-to-be. And then I walked home in a post yoga daze with a gentle fall rain just barely falling. It was a beautiful morning. It reminded me that maybe I should just do yoga, be a yoga teacher. That would be ideal.
One thing I am freaking out about is wondering what to do with this baby once he comes out. How am I supposed to go to school? We certainly can't afford a nanny and day care for infants...aside from the price, there is a wait list of like two to three years. Apparently some people plan their pregnancies. Some people are just so fancy. Ha. Not us. We're living on the edge. Anyway, school after baby makes me nervous. What about my internship? Billions of people go about their lives once they have children. We must be able to do it, right? I don't know what to do. If any one has ideas or knows what to do, please let me know.
Oh...and another thing. What are we going to name this person? I had no idea what a responsibility it is to name a person. Right now we like Emmett, Milo, and the new contender is Beckett. I loved Waiting for Godot when I read it in high school in Mr. Ault's class. I was told that it is Existentialism at its finest. I don't really understand it, but I still liked it. Maybe I should read it again. Because if being pregnant isn't existential, I really don't know what it. Something is certainly going to happen, we just don't know what or when or why or at this point who.
Who? Who is this person going to be? If we don't agree on a name, he is really going to be Futureman Elliott Chambliss on his birth certificate.
Ugh. So life is currently full of questions and then apathy in response to those questions. Again, would that be existential?
According to Wikipedia (the world's most incredible although sometimes inaccurate source of information)- existentialism is "a sense of disorientation and confusion in the face of an apparently meaningless or absurd world"
Alright...maybe its the change in weather we had overnight that is bringing out the blah. Last night was a blustery stormy night here in Seattle. I just miss the warm sun. And tank tops.
Ugh.
1 comment:
If it makes you feel any better, I didn't want to do halloween either. And your apathy is completely warranted, I think a lot of people respond that way when so much in the immediate future is unknown. And yes, you can do it. I know I haven't had kids myself, but I have known a lot of people who have and not one of them, not a single one, had a sense of composure or confidence about them before hand. We were biologically made to procreate, which involves taking care of those creations, it's what we do, dear. And we learn as we go, as with all the other things we didn't know how to do before we did them. You're going to love him so much you won't know how not to take care of him.
xoxo.a.
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